When was the last time…..

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on January 14, 2014 by Waylon

You did something that mattered? Something that made a difference?

When was the last time you gave yourself goosebumps?

Right at this very moment in my life, i am at a point where the possibilities are almost infinite. I am no longer confined by area, industry or love. To say i am at a cross roads is severely limiting the amount of possibilities that i have in front of me. I would say i am sitting at a T-junction in a bulldozer. I can follow the road that has been paved previously or i can create a new road. My road. The only question i need to ask myself is “Where will my road lead.”

To answer the question, many other questions need to be answered but everything comes back to one all important question:

What matters? What REALLY matters.

We can turn left or right on the T- intersection and newer with the old, money, job satisfaction, power, possessions, etc and all the other stuff but does any of it really matter. Yes, we need money, yes job satisfaction is important, yeah power can be nice and we can have all of that. But, while getting all of that, is your life making a difference? When we are in our last days, will any of that bring any real comfort to us or anyone else? Are money, power, and possessions the prize, or are they added extras on the real prize…. MAKING A DIFFERENCE?

During this process i asked myself “When was the last time i, personally, did anything that REALLY mattered? Anything that actually made a difference?”

The last thing that i can honestly say that i did that made a difference, was the original Cycle For A Cure. We raised a shit load of money for Cancer research but more importantly, we gave people an opening of a dialogue, a chance to feel that THEY were helping, a chance to share their stories and hear stories from other people who have been there. We created a community and connected people who may never have been connected. We made a difference.

That was nearly 3 years ago.

I think to myself, if i fell ill, seriously ill, and i had a couple of days to live, could i look back on my life and think “I made an actual difference”…. And i don’t think i could. Yes, i made a difference to my friends and family, and yeah i made a difference to some clients. But thats only, and lets be generous, 30 people out of 7,000,000,000 people on this earth. Thats 0.00000043% of the worlds population. Not exactly an amazing percentage.

So this definitely isn’t a “OMG i have done nothing with my life” type blog post, I think i have achieved quite a bit and done some awesome stuff that I’m very much proud of. For me. Its ALL been for me. Jobs taken for money, for prestige, for how it sounds when i pick up guys (I’m a personal trainer, I’m in the Army, I was a bodyguard etc). But what has any of this done for anyone else? How has all that time made any difference at all to the world? How can i make MORE of a difference?

So now, my question is “HOW do i want to make a difference”. The answer is not easy. Not because i don’t know how, but because i don’t know WHICH “how” to follow, or if i even need to choose. What i do know is that 2014 is about actually making a difference, and everything that i do, from my job to my day to day attitude, and my interactions with people, is geared towards making a difference. I have some ideas about what i want to do, and how i want to do them. Some are the tiniest thing, some are on a larger scale.There’s no goal of how many people i want to make a difference to, i just want to know that i have made a difference.

An ACTUAL difference.

So here is the point of this blog: I want you to ask yourself the following questions –

What have YOU done to make a difference?

What do you continue to do, to make a difference?

If you were on your deathbed tomorrow, what have you done that DID make a difference?

How are you going to continue to make an ACTUAL difference?

Post your ideas here, or don’t. Its not important. What is important is that you do it.

Beyonce – I was here

My 2014 list of experiences

Posted in Uncategorized on January 6, 2014 by Waylon

So as you may know if you have read my 2013 post, the year was pretty crap. Obviously the last thing i want is a year like that in 2014. I sat down and thought about what i want to achieve this year and it resulted in two lists. 

List 1 – was guidelines of how i want to live my life in 2014. Its probably as boring to you as it sounds so I’m won’t post it

List 2 – might be just as boring to you, is the result of one of those guidelines being “Spend money on experiences over possessions”. In other words stop be a boring bastard and actually get to the end of the year and think, what the fuck have i done other than sit at home and pretend I’m a 17 year old boy again (if you catch my drift). The list was originally, and will eventually be, 100 things.

Why post it on here? For the simple fact that i will probably lose it if i don’t. AND you never know who can help some of these become a reality. So here goes

 

  1. Top secret……
  2. Skydive
  3. See a theatre show
  4. Buy a strangers coffee
  5. Buy an original piece of art
  6. Drive a luxury car
  7. Visit Powerhouse Museum
  8. Visit MCA
  9. Visit Australian Museum
  10. Visit Museum of Sydney
  11. Visit Fort Denison
  12. Participate in a tradition of a foreign culture
  13. Visit the great barrier reef
  14. Visit Uluru
  15. Scuba Dive
  16. Try food from 20 different cultures
  17. Watch the sunrise from 10 different spots
  18. Watch the sunset from ten different spots
  19. Learn to surf
  20. Drink wine worth more than a weeks wage
  21. Visit QLD
  22. Visit NSW
  23. Visit VIC
  24. Visit TAS
  25. Visit NT
  26. Visit WA
  27. Visit SA
  28. Do a road trip to nowhere
  29. See a Gold Class Movie
  30. Buy a Meal for a Homeless Person
  31. Leave a 100% tip for a waiter/waitress at a café/restaurant
  32. Go on holidays with Mum
  33. Visit somewhere new in NSW
  34. Spend a day out with Jett
  35. Spend a day out with Tobias
  36. Spend a day out with Shamayah
  37. Watch a sunset in silence with someone else
  38. Camp out under the stars
  39. Visit the Police and Justice Museum
  40. Visit Sydney Jewish Museum
  41. Spend a weekend in the Blue Mountains
  42. Stay in a 5 star Hotel
  43. Visit Centrepoint Tower
  44. Eat in a five Star restaurant
  45. Do Sydney Skywalk
  46. Visit Jenolan Caves
  47. Do Yoga in the Sky
  48. Move into my own place
  49. Visit Cockatoo Island
  50. Visit Wollongong
  51. Hand out toiletries packs to the homeless
  52. Bushwalk to an amazing view
  53. Visit MONA 
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2013 – The year that shouldn’t have been

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 5, 2014 by Waylon

I guess the whole story of 2013 actually begins in November 2012, when I met someone who I would realize was one of the most amazing people that is walking the face of this earth. We hit it off pretty much straight away and I was done. If he asked me to marry him I probably would have straight away.

At the same time, my brand new business was starting and it was off to a great start. Before I start I had 3 people in my outdoor, a couple of PT clients signed on, and so many ideas I didn’t know where to start.

I was still working full time at Superdry. Hated every minute of it due to a completely incompetent and egotisical manager making life hell for everyone but he was more and more absent from the store, giving me a chance to prove I was up for the job when he was inevitably terminated.

And this was the year I was going to Canada. My first holiday in years and years and it was ridiculously exciting. And I couldn’t wait.

2013 was off to pretty good start!

By February the rollercoaster ride to the pits of hell that was 2013 had begun.

It started well. My Birthday on the 2nd started with the guy that made me happier than I had been for a while taking me to lunch, then lawn bowls with some of my favorite people, then dinner with some of the most important people in my life. After dinner, the ride started.

By February 14, it was all over, and he was gone. Yup Valentines day. I was inconsolably devastated and heartbroken. Why he?  To this day, I don’t say his name. He’s the furtherest thing from an asshole to walk this earth, and that’s what makes it so painful.

Some may say 3 months isn’t long enough to know someone for them to change your life. I disagree completely. This guy not only changed my life, he changed me as a person. Fundamentally. From day 1.

Without realising it for a long time, the day I walked out of his apartment was the day I gave up. On everything. The business, relationships, success, life.

Canada was the only carrot. And, fuck me I would need it.

The business wasn’t growing. I still had some great ideas (I even surprised myself with some of them), the clients I had were great, but I didn’t care enough to work on it. I was going through the motions. I was numb. And it didn’t feel right.

I was broke, more broke than normal, in mountains of debt that seemed to keep growing, I was lonely, I was failing at business. I was failing at life. And I didn’t care. I was numb.

I fucking HATED everyday at my job. Retail is the most soul sucking industry you could work in. And when your view of the human race as a whole is already pretty negative, when you fail to be able to, or want to, empathise with anyone because of your own numbness and bitterness, retail just strengthens the idea that people are shit.

Canada. Just make it to Canada.

The manager at Superdry was eventually terminated and the replacement manager was not installed for another month, a month that I ran the place. A month that garnered better results than the store had seen since I had been there. Results, I wrongly assumed, that would cement the promise of the job that was made to me months before.

The new manager started, another from the clique attached to the Retail general manager. Egostisitcal, lazy and total company bitch. And totally protected. Needless to say we didn’t get on. A lack of respect for anyone other than those who could get her what she wanted. Anyone else was dirt underneath her cheap shoes.

Close your eyes and think of Canada.

By this time, Canada was in jeopardy. How was I going to pay for it? How was I going to survive while i was there. It was all I had to hang on to. It was getting me through the year, it was getting me through day to day. It was literally keeping me alive. What would happen if it was no longer there?

Through an amazing helping hand from a mate (I only use amazing because I can’t think of a word that adequately describes him) I got my tickets. Canada was a reality. I just had to get on that plane. I just had to survive till July. Ill figure out everything else after that. At least I could get to Canada. God knows how I’d pay for the actual time in Canada.

Day by Day. Step by Step. Breath by Breath.

A few months into the year, the business felt like it was going backwards. No PT clients, 2 people in Outdoor. It was becoming a burden. And I was becoming poorer. By this time I was living, if you can call it that, on a basic retail wage, had god knows how many parking fines, behind on ALL my bills, and getting poorer by the week.

JUST GET TO THE PLANE

Then a letter came from Credit Corp collection Agency chasing a $5000 debt on an old credit card I spent weeks chasing down (and hitting brick walls) a year ago. And I had to pay it now. The collection agency didn’t understand the meaning of broke. “What do you mean you don’t have, or can’t borrow $2000 as a down payment?”. Another very honest email about the reality of the lives of the people they are dealing with, was sent with a new contact person I had signed authorization over too. I’d had enough and was on the edge with one foot dangling, and the other leg broken. No reply, no further conversation with me.

JUST. GET. TO. THE.PLANE.

A month out from Canada. I got a new client. An amazing client with amazing potential. And an up front payment that paid some of the bills I was behind. It was like a drop in the ocean. Numb.

Canada wasn’t helping as much as it used to. The string that carrot was on, was fraying. The broken leg was getting tired.

I remember driving home one night and as I came around a corner a little too fast I felt the car slide. My first thought was to let go of the steering wheel and step on the accelerator. Hopefully I would hit the tree just off the side of the road. Goodbye work stress, Goodbye financial stress, goodbye loneliness, goodbye fatigue.Hello permanent rest and happiness. It wasn’t the first time this year.

I didn’t. It didn’t.

Instead I kept driving home, parked the car. And cried. And then cried some more. I had nothing.

GET.TO.THE…..oh fuck off.

I was on complete auto pilot. I was numb but at the same time i was angry. I was distant at the same time I needed to be close. I was completely lost, and as Patrick Bateman says, “The mask of sanity was slipping”. I was absolutely depressed.

It was about 10 days out from Canada. Breakfast to sort out finances with the friend that organised my tickets. My numbness and lack of caring about my situation packed a little dose of honesty with the friend that organized my tickets. I was so low, and so deep into a bad financial situation, more financial stress couldn’t make me feel any worse. I told him I hadn’t lodged a tax return for 3 years and I hadn’t put away any money for it. Food always wins over tax.

Apparently this was agood thing. The day I left for Canada, the equivalent of 4 months wages, my tax return, was deposited into my account. The same day as my last shift at Superdry. Ever.

Of course Superdry didn’t know this. They assumed i’d be back to swallow a little bit more disrespect and incompetent management. The only thing id be coming back to do was resign. And it would be in a way that hurt them the most. I was bitter, I was angry. I was tired. I was depressed.

But I had made it to Canada. I’d made it. I went back to the coast for the night so mum could drive me to the airport the next morning. And breathed. And cried. Somehow, I’d made it. The next morning, in the car was a reflective couple of hours. Small talk with mum was interspersed with silence where I was thinking about what I had been through in the last few months.

A couple of hours later, I was on the plane, in my seat and the pressure was off. I’d made it to the plane. With the actual sigh of relief, came tears and a smile. I can’t even begin to explain how amazing it felt that for 24 hours I couldn’t be touched. No emails for money, no phone calls from collections, no more stress, nothing but what I designed.

It felt fucking amazing.

Landing in Dallas, I connected to Wifi and had received an email from my ticket friend (who was dealing with the credit card debt collectors while I was in the air). He had settled it for a fraction of the $5000. I told you amazing didn’t cover it.

I felt free. Holidays had started.

Canada was exactly the holiday I needed. 5 weeks completely stress free to breath, refind myself and take some much needed time out. And I did. I met some amazing amazing people, had some amazing experiences and when I left I felt alive and recharged. This is in no small part due to the people i had met. Canadians, Canada, NYC, New Yorkers, Montreal, Montrealians (?), you saved my life. Literally.This is why there were tears when i left Canadian soil. It felt like home should feel.

When I got home, I felt like me. I felt like I was back to who I was. I’d shed years of stress and the fog had lifted and I was seeing clearly again. How wrong I had gone, and how amazing it felt to be back on track. I knew what I wanted, I knew who I was, I knew who I loved and I knew where I wanted to be.

I’d quit my job a week before I was meant to be back with a short, but honest email to Superdry while sitting at a Red Sox vs. Blue Jays baseball game (we won) with one of my favorite Canadians. It was amazing, and I haven’t regretted it since. I was no longer angry, the job meant nothing. The company meant nothing. All but 4 people in the company (If you’re on my facebook, that’s you) meant nothing.Their money meant nothing. I was better off without it in my life.

My focus now was on building the business. I had enough money to cover my bills for a month without any money coming in, and I still had outdoor, 2 clients now and a fresh focus to make it a success.

6 weeks later, I was broke. Nothing I did on the business bought in any new business. The new WRun program was building slowly, which helped me get rid of the weight i’d put on over the last year and in Canada, but nothing else was building. Every opportunity turned into dust and the ups and downs were killing my focus.

The spare time did have one amazing, so far permanent effect. My car was cleaned from top to bottom, I spent a whole week declutering and clearing out my whole collection of crap I had acquired. Boxes and boxes and boxes of stuff I was just holding on to just to hold on to. I deep cleaned (except dusting, Thanks Robynne lol) every inch of my space, I had cleared out my computer hard drive, cleared out my facebook page and my phone. All of these changes have remained and feel normal.

Financially it was just as sparse. I was eating once a day and that once a day was McDonalds. I had about $5 a day to spend on food. No idea where petrol was coming from, and I was very quickly falling stupidly behind on rent (which I HATE. Rent has always been number 1). I was living on nothing and it was financially worse week to week then before I left, but mentally I was in a much better place to deal with it, but it was starting to take its toll.

‘Just give me abreak, just a little one. Give me a sign that I’m on the right track or the wrong track”

Then my appendix exploded in my stomach. The pain was fuckin stupid. I wouldn’t wish it on Superdry. Thanks to some amazing motherly thinking, my housemate, came home to make sure I was OK after I was up all night throwing up. I wasn’t.

I’d been given a sign.I was on the wrong track.

I was in hospital for 12 nights. Some days barely being able to move, Some days not wanting to talk to anyone through fatigue or pain. But every day being fed three meals a day, not having to worry about growing the business or where I’m going to get petrol. My life outside the hospital had been, once again put on hold.

And think I did. And it was confronting. I realized in most cases, what i thought I wanted, I didn’t want at all. In other cases I was spot on and I needed to put everything on the line to get it. In the two weeks I was in hospital and the week I spent at home with family a plan was put into place to rebuild a cracked and almost non existing foundation in every corner of my life.

Since I got out of hospital, The clarity has been amazing. Changes have been made and plans have been set in motion. The clearing out that I started after Canada has continued further than I could ever imagine when I decided that I had to clean the bird shit off my car that one day.

The criteria is pretty simple. If it doesn’t make me happy, or have a positive purpose, it goes. No ifs, buts or maybe’s. And it applies everywhere. From possessions to people and everything in between. If its gotta go, its gotta go. Simple.

So what have I learned from 2013?

1. Hitting rock bottom helps you find your top priorities

When you have nothing, it helps you see what you value more than anything. Because even when you have nothing, you have something. And that something is what you absolutely value above anything else. For me, its family, friends, respect, honesty and loyalty. Everything else comes second. A paycheck, success, ego, pride…it ALL comes second.

Once you know what you value, your whole life revolves around these, without any regret or sense of loss. It all just makes sense. I don’t regret leaving Superdry, or leaving Fitness First in 2012 (in any role), or Energize this year because it went against what I truly value. Simple. It doesn’t need a second thought.

If you are honest to your values, its easier to have that difficult conversation, its easier to make that difficult decision, its easier to do all the hard stuff, because its just doing the right thing.

2. Asking for help shows strength, not weakness

This year showed me that it really, really is OK to ask for help. Yes it can be scary to let go of the façade of strength that we put up, but when you do, you find out a few things.

–      You find out that everyone is dealing with something. Maybe not what you are, but something, and they may believe your façade and not talk because they don’t think you’d get it or they don’t want to disturb your perceived utopian life.

–      You will find that people CAN and are willing to help you out. And the issue may not actually be as big as you think it is and the fix is really simple

–      It frees YOU from your façade. Building it, maintaining it, and hiding behind it, takes energy. A FUCK LOAD of energy. Energy that could be used to solve it.

3. I have some amazing people in my life.

No.

I have some FUCKING amazing people in my life. And there is no way I would even be here without them. They pulled me back from the edge, put my feet back on the ground and healed the broken leg. Then made me some dangling carrot soup and held me close and told me it was going to be OK.

They are all responsible for one less gravestone in the ground this year.

(There are some events that happened this year, both good and bad, that I haven’t included here as its just more of the same OR its not really up to me to publicise details as im only a part of someone else’s story.)

Here’s hoping 2014 is a better year for me and you. I have big plans that are ALL about what I really want. And I plan on completing them.

I hope you do too.

Waylon

Guns? Mental Ilness? Or just a lack of basic human respect?

Posted in Uncategorized on December 19, 2012 by Waylon

So currently it seems like the whole world is in a discussion about gun control due to the school massacre in the US last week. But is this really the issue? OR should i say, is this the MAIN issue?

The situation, from reports is that the “gun enthuisiast” Adam Lanza, lived with his mother, who had prepared the house for the apocolypse.

As we all know by now, Lanza, killed his school teacher mother before going to the school she taught at, and open fire on two Year 1 classes killing 20 children and numerous teachers, the school principal and the school psychologist.

Although the gun debate is obviously the first one that we go to due to to already shocking history of gun crime in the states, there are many more issues that seem to be missed.

If Lanza,who suffered from a form of Aspergers, didnt have such easy access to guns (by reports, his mothers arms in order to protect them during the apocalypse………), would he have been able to carry this crime out?

If the international media hadn’t turned previous school massacres into a media frenzy, and elevated the perpertrators to celebrity heights, would the idea have crossed his mind?

IF there wasnt such a big deal and hype and ridiculous, crazy talk about the end of the world and the apocalypse, would THIS have changed anything.

The care of those suffering from a mental illnes in the states (from my limited knowledge) seems to be absolutely shocking. This is no different to the care in Australia. In my opinion we have a LONG way to go in the treatement and care of mental illness. The fact that in a country like Australia there are people in retirement home and aged facilities that are in their early 20’s/30’s is seriously disgusting. Why is there even a discussion as to if we need a facitily specifically for this group of people?

Although i acknowledge that the mental state of Adam Lanza may have played a part in the events of last week, and it is definitely something that needs to be discussed at a national, or international, level, i wonder HOW much it had to do with it. Many, or should i say, the almost total majority of people with a mental illness have not shot a person, let alone a school and therefore a community.

Lanza was armed up to the hilt with semi automatic weapons when his body was found after shooting himself after the rampage.  These weapons were apparently registered, legally, to his mother. Im all for the holding up of rights, but when does a right become abused? When does a government need to re assess a “right” in the interest of the safety of the population?

Or the big question, how long does a right stay a right? The second amendment was adopted in 1791…….well over 200 years ago. Now i wasnt alive back then, but im pretty sure that alot has changed in that 200 odd years. The percieved pressure we are under has changed, the ability to handle said pressure has changed, The world and attitudes have changed. The politics of the world have changed…..

Im pretty sure that the writers/signers of the 2nd amendment would reverse it if they knew that crackpot, hillbilly pshyco dumbfucks were using it to jusitfy the use of arms in the way they are today…..

Surely if the right to bare arms is allowing mentally unstable, whether it be medically or due to a perceived high pressure time in their life, easy access to firearms, and then perpetrate shocking violence as we have seen WAY too many times in the last few years it needs to be updated or strengthen. Keep the right but put conditions on it. OR allow someone to have a firearm IF there is a NEED for it. Then ensure that it is stored properly and training is given on how to use if necessary.

Seriously, is it necessary to be able to pick up a firearm and ammunition while you do your weekly grocery shopping?

After all the second ammendement does refer to a “Well regulated militia” not untrained, uninformed individuals.

But how much is the media to blame for these tragedies? Im not saying they shouldnt cover it as i think things like this need to be discussed and known about in order to facilitate and bring about change. But is it necessary to give the perpertrators fame? Is it necessary to over report the situation and in the detail they do? Is it really necessary to write with such emotion in their stories? Are the facts themselves, minus emotion, not shocking enough?

If every single shooting wasnt blown into a HUGE international circus show for days and weeks afterwards, with every detail released on how they planned and executed the attacks would they continue? IF the perpetrators identity wasnt released and they had no fame at all, whether negative or else, would it be as attractive an option?

I understand the media is a business, and the pull of the mighty dollar is strong but at what cost to humanity does it come?

Personally i dont think this is a gun control issue, or a mental illness issue, or a media issue. I think its all of them and more. I think its an issue of resepct for others. A respect for life itself. I think its an issue of the power that we give fame and money. I think its a issue on the priority that we give things in our life.

I think events and tragedies like this show up not only the ridiculousness of things we find important in the day to day but even more so, the lack of respect we conciously give to each other as human beings on a day to day basis. If we respected the life of other human beings, the idea of having a firearm to “protect our property and family” wouldnt even be an issue.

The whole thing is bigger than guns, media, and mental illness. Its about how fucked up we have stood by and allowed our race to become. We are all at fault in some small way.

Passion – Drive or Drain?

Posted in Uncategorized on October 16, 2012 by Waylon

Disclaimer: This post is not about anything or anyone in particular just a general post that was inspired by a conversation.

When does a passion turn from a driving force that gives you all the energy you can handle and more to a draining part of your life? And how once it has changed do you take it back to that driving force of  limitless energy?

An interesting conversation i had with a friend today (oh yes, all conversations i have now may be turned to blog posts) about how passions can affect you. Obviously when it is good, its an amazing effect. But what happens when it doesnt work the wya you expect it to. Obviously yes its going to suck. That goes without saying.

BUT as someone who get passionate about alot of things (i know you find this hard to believe), i know it can be more than just a “oh well that sucks but lets move on”. It becomes an energy drainer. It becomes an emotional and mental drainer. It keeps on sucking the life out of you, even once you have decided that its time to step away.

BUT what happens if you know its worth sticking by it even though it has gotten to a point of being more of a drain than a drive? What happens when a part of the passion is a drive and another part is a drain? How do you keep going, “knowing” its going to work out in your favour but feeling the mental and emotional drain? IS stepping back going to work when you dont WANT to be away from the passion but you know you should? Is it stepping back, if you are constantly focused on the passion while you are not in/with the passion.

Where do you go when you live your life by a credo of following your passions and every part of your life gets rocked all at once? What happens when your view on these passions all changes or what you were passionate about ends?

What if your passions werent ever what you thought they were but once you actually fully discovered them you were no longer passionate about them?

When do you get to the point where you stop yourself becoming passionate about something because you have nothing more to be taken?

 

Lyrics – Emelie Sande – Read All about it Pt III

Posted in Uncategorized on October 15, 2012 by Waylon
“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” – Henry David Thoreau.

You’ve got the words to change a nation but you’re biting your tongue

You’ve spent a life time stuck in silence afraid you’ll say something wrong

If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song?

So come, on come on Come on, come on

You’ve got a heart as loud as lions So why let your voice be tamed?

Baby we’re a little different there’s no need to be ashamed

You’ve got the light to fight the shadows so stop hiding it away

Come on, Come on

I wanna sing, I wanna shout I wanna scream till the words dry out

Sso put it in all of the papers, i’m not afraid

they can read all about it read all about it

At night we’re waking up the neighbours while we sing away the blues

making sure that we remember yeah cause we all matter too

if the truth has been forbidden then we’re breaking all the rules

so come on, come on come on, come on, lets get the tv and the radio to play our tune again

its ’bout time we got some airplay of our version of events

there’s no need to be afraid i will sing with you my friend

Come on, come on
Yeah we’re all wonderful, wonderful people so when did we all get so fearful?

Now we’re finally finding our voices so take a chance, come help me sing this

 

How much is that dignity in the window? (Facebook repost)

Posted in Uncategorized on October 15, 2012 by Waylon

I have always been a person that has the ability to look inside myself and see what my issues are. For a long time i was too scared to actually do it. But i always COULD do it if i needed to. And i did many times. When i was 21 i was forced, almost literally, to face what i had spent alot of time not facing. And the strangest part of it all is that that thing that i had to face was the thing i should have known better than anything: ME.

Once i did this and realised that i had NO idea who “me” was, i decided that the only way to discover this was to strip back, purposely and quite conciously, the multitude of walls and covers and protections that i had built up without knowing, until i felt like an empty. Once i got to the point (over many years. This was slow, painful process) where everything that was left, i understood and felt comfortable with, two things happened. I felt empty. But i felt free. For the first time in many many years i knew who i was. There wasnt much of me, but i knew it intimately. Over the next few years i tried, unsuccessfully, never to lose sight of who i was. To never build another wall, to never be dishonest about who i was and what i believed. But while doing this, build the empty shell into a real, honest and confident person. The person i was before i lost myself. Its taken many years so far. Many more than i would ever expected it to take. But i have also realised that its a project that will never, and should never, end. That we are constantly changing. That, although it is hard, we need to continually be introspective. And constantly be brave and honest enough to face who we are. Who we really are.

Although it was a hard process it has absolutely allowed me to know myself well. And not just know myself but UNDERSTAND myself. If something does arise that i dont understand, i know i can question instrosepctively and get the answer that i need. Once i have retrieved that answer i can decide whether i need to change the trait that has allowed that thing to arise or i need to embrace it and understand it. THEN just do it.

During this process i realised one thing. One thing that i had heard a million times but never truly understood. One thing that was a massive turning point that changed fundamentally who i was.

No one person is any more important that any other single person. Not you, not the person next to you, not the richest, most powerful or most beautiful person in the world, and absolutely not me.

We have all heard it. We have all said it. But how many of us actually realise it? How many of us actually realise this on a day to day basis?

How often do we conciously think about how what we are doing, while stuck in our own little universe, will effect others. From the little things, like not staying left on an escalator or walking side by side with four of our friends (in OUR own little universe) and therefore blocking the pathway for everyone else, to bigger things like forgetting common courtesy on a busy train just to catch up 5 seconds on your trip home, or driving at high speeds on the roads just to get to our destination 30 seconds sooner?

Since when has the price of time been respect? Is the potential life of another person, or your own really worth 30 secs longer at your destination? Is getting home 5 secs earlier really worth pushing and shoving hundreds of other people in peak hour, who are in exactly the same situation as you, and in the process your dignity and respect?

Are we really that busy? Do we really think we are more important that everyone else on that train, that we turn into beasts and forget basic human respect?

Since when has the price of outward success been inward satisfaction? Are you doing what you love to do? Or are you just doing what you have to to pay the bills? When did this become OK? When did we let ourselves believe that it was OK to not be satisifed as long as it appears on the outside that we are?

Has our need for acceptance come at the cost of our own self worth and satisfaction? Is external acceptance really worth anything if we dont accept ourselves? Does ANYTHING have worth if we dont value ourselves?

If you could do ANYTHING at all, something that would make you get up in the morning completel satisfied what would it be? Are you doing it? If not, why not? If the answer is money or fear or even worse “I dont know”, then when did you trade self satisfaction for a financial price or for fear? And how much will it cost to get back?

As i mentioned before, this is an ever constant project and there is always a time that we can look inside ourselves and find something, regardless of how small or big that can be looked into further and understood more or removed from our thinking or personality.In saying this we can get to a point where we are truly confident in who we are and can provide ourselves with everything that we need mentally. Once we are at this point an amazing and beautiful thing happens:

We become invincible. No one can ever take this away from us. Unless we let them. We no longer need external gratification to feel whole. External gratification becomes an extra little bonus. Imagine never NEEDING anyone to make you whole. Imagine only having people in your life that you WANT in your life and not having to keep someone in your life because they fill a little hole you feel inside of yourself! Imagine being able to be YOU all the time and having nothing to hide. From anyone. THAT is total freedom.

With total freedom comes lack of stress. If you are completely in tune with who you are, then you are not reliant on any person or any situation to keep you feeling whole which in turn allows you to easily remove yourself from the stress.

This isnt to be confused with being completely feelingless. In fact the opposite is what it is all about. Being completely immersed in living life to the fullest. Enjoying EVERY moment, whether it is stuck in peak hour traffic or doing something you love with someone you love. If you know yourself you will build a life that is perfectly built for you.