Archive for truth

What will you create?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on January 21, 2014 by Waylon

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You know those times where you do everything in your power to make something work, or happen, and it just doesn’t? We have all been there. God knows i have had my fair share, as I’m sure you have. It’s frustrating, it’s demotivating and it can be extremely upsetting. If i have learned one thing through all of my experiences over the last 35 years, it’s that everything will happen when its meant to happen. It’s never late, and it’s never early. It’s ALWAYS right on time.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about whether we are totally in control of what happens, or if we have no control at all, and we are just mindless lemmings on a pre determined path that we can’t change… At the moment (because, like most things, it changes with age and experience) it’s a hybrid of them both. Because honestly, both of these options on their own are a terrifying thought.

To think that we are completely on our own in life and are floating round with no real purpose or map to get where we need to be, is kinda a lot to take in. Its kinda nice to know someone, something, has our back and is ready to take over the reigns when we get lost. And lets face it, who doesn’t like a bit of a challenge every now and then??

I believe that we are in complete control of what we want. But we have no or very little control over how we get it. I think we can choose the type of life we want, and we have total uninhibited, unobstructed choice in that. From there, the “universe”, God, life, whatever you believe or don’t believe in, constructs a path to get us from where we are currently to where we want to be. This decides how much we need to be tested in order to get to where we want to be. A lot of change needed, means intense and constant testing.

Each test that we go through, will change us in a way that we need to be changed, in order to get where we want to be. If we don’t learn the lessons AND make the changes necessary, we have to resit the test. Any time limits on getting where we want are set by us. The universe (or life or God, or god. Now referred to in the blog as universe.), has no concept of time. We pass the tests and we will get there quick. We fail the tests, it slows us down. There is no coincidence. There is no book of cheats. There is no shortcuts.

2014, for me, has gone OK so far. Everything that i want to happen has happened. To others it may not be anything amazing, but to me it’s both amazing in itself, and the start of something even more amazing. I had big plans for life in general at the start of 2013, and it’s kinda obvious, with hindsight, that i was no where near being the sort of person that i had to be in order to get what it was that i wanted at the time.  2013 was testing year, and a year of tests. I’m kinda hoping that either the tests are done for now, OR i have learned to learn the lessons a shit load quicker.

The other day i had a conversation with a friend of mine about a situation that was kinda awkward. I KNEW the conversation was coming, i just didn’t know when. And for the record, i have been ridiculously lucky to have been given this long without it. Now that the conversation has been had, i know that any other time, i wouldn’t have had (or seen, as the case may be) a solution. The conversation came, exactly when i needed it, when there was a solution I would have seen, and then a few days later it became extremely obvious how it all fitted into the bigger picture. Any earlier and i would have missed it, made very different decisions, and completely missed the lessons that it held. Because of the timing, and the amount i have changed through my testing in 2013, i saw it as an absolute positive, instead of a devastating negative.

I always knew that 2014 would be all about rebuilding and restarting. It’s what i wanted AND needed. Lately, i have had to think about two different options in regards to HOW i wanted the rebuild to go. Both options involve finding my own place and a stable job and rebuilding the foundations. But one has me staying in the place i know, with (or close to) the people i love most, in a job that is just a job, and i never have to really change my routine.

The other involves me completely uprooting 250kms away (Good? Bad?), but allows me to do a job that has purpose AND i get to hang with my bestie again, and get a complete restart.

I couldn’t decide which one i wanted. I didn’t know the answer to the test. Both had pros and both had cons. As i have done before, i took a lifeline (there is no limit on these, but you have to give up ALL control each time), and i asked the universe to give me a hint as to which way I’m supposed to go. The universe spoke pretty loudly and clearly about which one was best for me. I have my own version of what i want to happen with the two choices but what will happen, will happen and ill go with it. Either way is a restart. I just need to make the right decisions, to keep on path.

So, although it feels like you are working separately, the universe is working to give you exactly what you want. You ARE the architect of your own life, but you may not have total control over the details of the actual construction of the project. Without an architect, a builder doesn’t know what he is building. Without builders, an architect just has pretty pictures. Together you can create anything.

What are you going to create?

Life smells like leather.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on January 20, 2014 by Waylon

Disclaimer: So i like to think that i am pretty open to life and things that inspire me. I like to think that i am open to inspiration from anything and at any time. But i also think that i am extremely random and weird about how i connect things in this little brain of mine.

This is one of those times. (Just stick with it, i’ll try to make it make sense)

So I’m 12 days into a two week stay at a mates place while he is overseas (Relax, I’m not squatting, he knows I’m here). Every time in the first 10 days that i walked in the doors of the apartment complex, i thought “What is that smell, its horrible.” It was really strong and felt almost caustic. I started to take a deep breath before i walked through the doors to minimise how it felt. Once i got into the lift it was fine and the smell wasn’t there anymore.

A couple of days ago i walked out of the lift into the foyer and was, once again, hit with the smell. This time it was different though. This time, it hit me as i was looking through the doors of the showroom that was underneath the apartments, on street level. The leather lounge showroom. The “caustic” smell that i had been smelling was an overload of the rich expensive leather coming from the showroom. And now far from being unpleasant, i took a deep breath in and inhaled the leathery goodness of it. And it was amazing.

For 10 days, i had held my breath and tried to avoid the smell, while i ran to the lift. But once i realised what it was, i couldn’t get enough of it and breathed it in. And then i realised, this is a perfect metaphor for how we deal with life.

When we are going through some tough times, we tend to hold our breath,avoid it, and we can’t wait till its over. I totally advocate focussing on better times, to get through a tough time, I’m not saying we should do the opposite. What I’m saying is that, even during the bad times, we need to realise that the “caustic” life that we are smelling is actually rich, expensive leather but its so strong its hard to take in.

Imagine how much shorter, and less intense, these caustic times in life would be if we were able to smell and take in the leather hidden in these tough times. It’s all well and good, and absolutely necessary, to look to the end result when it will all be over and life is back to normal, but its always easier to deal with if we can see the good within the bad and the “good times” won’t always feel so out of reach.

Imagine how much discomfort we would save ourselves if only we saw, and learned the lessons at the time, instead of looking back and seeing them at the end and thinking “Wow if i knew that then, it wouldn’t have been so difficult”.

So just keep breathing. When it gets tough, dig in, focus on your breathing and get through it. You will be glad you did in the end.

Just remember, life really like a leather lounge. Sometimes the leather is smooth and soft, and fits you just right. And sometimes leather is hot, sticky, fired out and cracked. But every crack in the leather means something. Every crack is a part of that leathers history.

Breathe it in. And see it for what it is.

Fuck off, we’re full…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on January 17, 2014 by Waylon

We have all heard it and many of us have said it. I know i have.

As Australians, there is this notion that we aren’t racist, we are patriotic or “proudly Australian”, or some other ridiculous excuse to convince ourselves that we don’t deserve this big, bad nasty “Racist” tag. Racism is so firmly bred into our language, our culture and our lifestyle, over a long term basis, that we don’t even know that we are doing it. And if we don’t know that we are doing it, of course we aren’t going to admit that we are racist.

Don’t for a second think that i think i haven’t fallen into this category. I stand guilty as charged your honour. For years, i vehemently denied my racist tendencies by prefacing “Im not racist” with “Oh its a joke, i don’t really mean it”, “Yeah but i was born here”, “But there’s more of them here than there is us”, “Jesus, its spot the aussie”….

Its all the same shit just wrapped in a different flag.

Something happened my very first night in Canada that changed all this. Something so simple, so honest and so sincere, it hit me like a sledgehammer to the face.

I had met my mate earlier that day and we headed out to dinner to meet some of his mates and see title bit of Toronto. I met one of his friends, who is now a good friend of mine, who had come over to Syd earlier in the year and commented that he noticed that everyone was so blatanty racist. Obviously i denied it. “Nah its just a joke”. Later we went to a club, I’d had a few drinks and was feeling comfortable and starting to get into holiday mode. As we went upstairs i noticed that the club was, literally half white people and half black people. I said to the Canadian who was in Sydney earlier in the year (as a “joke”) “Hey, since when are “they” allowed up here with “us”?”

The response was immediate, swift and honest. He turned around looked me right in the eye with an amount of disgust, disbelief, and sickness that i couldn’t comprehend at the time and said “You can’t say that here. It might be OK in Sydney but not here”.

I probably responded with a “Oh its only a joke” and he may have said something back, but either way it hit me before this. I was racist. Australians are racist. And we don’t even know it. (yes i realise this is a generalisation.) Once i realised this i realised a lot more about both Canada and Australia.

Canada is grey. There is no colour. Everyone is Canadian. Everyone is covered by the Canadian flag. And those who aren’t Canadian are welcomed (including, although begrudgingly, Americans lol). So much so that its like they literally don’t even notice colour. They don’t notice that someone isn’t white, and in the bigger scheme, they don’t notice they are gay, or female or a non white gay female.

It just doesn’t register. And it shouldn’t.

Australia on the other hand, calls itself white but notices every single colour other than white. Yellow, black, non tanned brown, red, everything. They notice gay, they, we, notice female, we notice everything thats not white, straight and male. And we act accordingly. We say “well you need to assimilate and stop grouping in one place” we say “speak our language or don’t come here”.

Lets think about how fucking ridiculous that is:

If you come to a new country where you don’t know anyone, you are going to go where there is something familiar. Like we do. Remember those Aussie pubs in Thailand, Bali and the UK? Isn’t that the same thing? Yeah, we go elsewhere but we tend to congregate where the familiar is. Where the other Aussies are. Remember the terrorist attacks in Bali in 2002 (?)? It was targeted towards aussies. Why did they hit the club they hit? Because thats where we congregated. WE do the same thing we hate here, in other countries but tend to think its OK.

As for the language issue, i have been on the other side of it overseas, and it was a very different story. When i was in Macau for three months in 2004, i spoke very little to no cantonese for most of the time i was there. While i was learning it, i was terrified to speak it to strangers. I thought they are going to get pissed off that i didn’t speak the language, like we do. But when i did, instead of being pissed off, they were extremely appreciative of the fact that i had tried AND once they knew what i was trying to say, they helped me say it correctly.

We, as Australians, could not do it any more differently. We get annoyed (“Speak the language freshy”), we certainly make no attempt to help them learn the language (kind of ridiculous when thats what we say we want), and this is only if we actually bother to speak to them. So again, they go to where they feel safe, where they find familiarity, then we get annoyed at that.

We are breeding and feeding our own problems.

And its not just the “immigrants” that we are confused about. How many times have you heard someone speaking with an accent of another country, not necessarily a “non-white country”, (I’m thinking lebanon, Italy, Greece, pick a country), saying “This is our country bro, go fucking home”, while living in a “lebanese/Greek/Italian” suburb but calling themselves “lebanese/italian/greek/wog/leb” etc? Again why is this OK but for a “non-white” who has as much claim to being an Australian as they do are called immigrants, FOB’s, and a million other derogatory, racially motivated slurs?

If you argue that these “immigrants” are taking our jobs, grow up. They usually take the jobs that you think you are too good to do, the jobs that you think are below you, the jobs that you give up and then stay on welfare, not working, while giving shit to these people who come here and work to build a life for themselves and then have the nerve to say you are above them. Grow up.

This isn’t just a “general populace” issue. Now i don’t mean to be political, and i certainly don’t care to start a political argument, but this whole stop the boats policy crap is so ridiculous and shows that Australia and its law makers really don’t understand the whole thing . That racism is so deeply embedded in our culture and our thinking, that its now being put into law. It shows that they don’t understand the reality of the world and how it works. It shows that we haven’t make a distinction between “illegal immigrants” and Asylum seekers”, and we are really bordering on ing viewed as a country that has no compassion for anyone other than ourselves. For a country that is already looked upon as a racist one, is this really something we want to do?

When is Australia going to get with the times and realise that we have been for a long time, currently are, and will be even more so in the future, a multicultural country?

If you think that immigrants are taking your job, If you think that immigrants are ruining the country, if you think that all Aussies are white, if you think that the boats should be stopped, if you think that being white gives you some sort of superiority over everyone that isn’t…. then i have one thing to say to you.

Fuck off, we’re full.

We are full with people that love the diversity of the place. We are full of people that love this country enough to uproot their whole life and that see our country as a good place to start again. We are full of people that are compassionate enough to realise that, in some countries, they aren’t as lucky as us. We are of full of people who are yellow, and black, and red, and brown, and white.

And they can ALL be Australian.

Now that i have written this, I’m going to go get some dinner, I’m tossing up between Thai and Chinese…. I hope they don’t tell me to “go home, we are full”, because i hear Ireland is a bit of a shit hole place to live at the moment.

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Hey friend, I’m sorry its been so long

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on January 17, 2014 by Waylon

So last weekend i went to Canberra. Not too exciting for most, but i was ridiculously excited and was counting the hours till i was there. Although i love the whole feel of Canberra, thats not why i was excited. Although i was looking forward to doing the galleries, and all the arts and culture stuff (yeah i know, kinda weird for me huh), thats not why i was excited.

I was excited because Matt was there.

Matt and i had lived together for around 5 years, a year before we came to Sydney and the rest of the time in Sydney. We met properly the day that we signed the lease to our place on the Central Coast . (I think we met before that but very briefly,  and i think we were both drunk). In the whole time that we have known each other, we have never had an argument. In five years, he made me laugh nearly every single day regardless of my mood, and regardless of what i was going through. Without fail, any time i was going through something tough, Matt was there, either with a joke, with food, with some brutal honesty, or with whatever else i needed. Somehow he knew exactly what that was.

Then he moved out. It was the last thing i wanted, but i knew that it was the right thing for him to do, so i had to let him go. It was only into the city so it wasn’t that far away, so it was all good. The night that I packed up (Matt had already had his stuff moved out, Matt played “For Good” from the Wicked Soundtrack. It kinda summed up exactly how i felt about him and the friendship. He absolutely changed me for the better.

Then in June last year, he moved to Canberra with his bf. The same one from Sydney. This may not have made me too happy, but again i knew it made Matt happy. And its only a couple of hours down the road, right? Obviously the bf was told he ain’t going any further than Canberra without me!

Anyway, Matt and I ended up doing the whole life thing and we would text or whatever less often than we did when we lived together (which was pretty much all day every day), he would ask when I’m coming down to Canberra, I’d say soon, with some excuse attached as to why I couldn’t come right now, and then a couple of months later I’d say soon again with another excuse, usually that I couldn’t afford it. Christmas, New year period came around and I decided that i WAS going to go to Canberra. I told Matt and then return flights to Canberra appeared in my email. I was going. And apparently I was flying.

So the text frequency grew in the lead up to Canberra. Countdowns, jokes, plans made. Then I landed in Canberra and caught up with Matt for two full days and nights. It was like he had never moved out. We continued with the same jokes, we found the same random shit funny that no one else did and i loved every minute i was there. And i didn’t want to go home. Ever. I got back home to Sydney, and i started thinking.

How many relationship have i let fall by the wayside, because “life got in the way?” How many good friendships suffered because i was too busy, too broke, too something?

All too often we find ourselves looking back and thinking “Wow i haven’t spoken to them for ages. I used to speak to them everyday. I guess life got in the way”. How many friends have just faded away in time, because of life? When was the last time you spoke to your family? Your mum? Dad? Siblings?

And i do mean speak. As in conversations using speech. Not a text conversation, not a Facebook comment, or like here and there, but an actual verbal real time conversation. When was the last time you sat down and actually caught up with that person who used to be the first call?

What I realised when I got home from Canberra, is that I missed the little bastard. I love the text messages, but I miss the connection that can only be had by being in person. By sitting on the same couch talking crap or watching Ja’mie (If you haven’t done it, do it. Its Ja’mazing. And she is totes quiche.), by retiring before our time and taking a walk around the lake catching up, by heading out and having dinner, catching a movie or having a couple of drinks. Text messages are fine, if they are in between these things, but not as a substitute. Not as an instead-of.

I understand that sometimes you can’t be in person, they are overseas, they are across the other side of the country, they are in solitary confinement in a maximum security prison. It doesn’t matter, there are ways. (OK so maybe not while they are in solitary confinement in a maximum security prison, but you get the idea.) Skype, Facetime, phone calls, yelling really loud, hoping the wind carries your voice etc are free, or very affordable ways to stay in touch (OK, again, maybe not the yelling. That was a stupid idea, but again you get my drift)

The whole point here is that life only gets in the way if you let it. Don’t use “Im too busy”, “I’m too broke”, “It’s been too long”, as excuses. Like Kate Miller Heidke said in her song “Don’t let Go“,

“Being busy’s no excuse, to pull away and lose touch with my friends…Its the busy-ness that brings us to our knees. Who invented all these things we have to do?”

So don’t let go, don’t let go, don’t let go, don’t let go, don’t let goooooo because your busy, broke or any other reason. Don’t let life be your fall bitch, don’t let life be your scape goat. Make the call. Say “Im sorry, i miss you, lets catch up”.

You never want it to be too late.

When was the last time…..

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on January 14, 2014 by Waylon

You did something that mattered? Something that made a difference?

When was the last time you gave yourself goosebumps?

Right at this very moment in my life, i am at a point where the possibilities are almost infinite. I am no longer confined by area, industry or love. To say i am at a cross roads is severely limiting the amount of possibilities that i have in front of me. I would say i am sitting at a T-junction in a bulldozer. I can follow the road that has been paved previously or i can create a new road. My road. The only question i need to ask myself is “Where will my road lead.”

To answer the question, many other questions need to be answered but everything comes back to one all important question:

What matters? What REALLY matters.

We can turn left or right on the T- intersection and newer with the old, money, job satisfaction, power, possessions, etc and all the other stuff but does any of it really matter. Yes, we need money, yes job satisfaction is important, yeah power can be nice and we can have all of that. But, while getting all of that, is your life making a difference? When we are in our last days, will any of that bring any real comfort to us or anyone else? Are money, power, and possessions the prize, or are they added extras on the real prize…. MAKING A DIFFERENCE?

During this process i asked myself “When was the last time i, personally, did anything that REALLY mattered? Anything that actually made a difference?”

The last thing that i can honestly say that i did that made a difference, was the original Cycle For A Cure. We raised a shit load of money for Cancer research but more importantly, we gave people an opening of a dialogue, a chance to feel that THEY were helping, a chance to share their stories and hear stories from other people who have been there. We created a community and connected people who may never have been connected. We made a difference.

That was nearly 3 years ago.

I think to myself, if i fell ill, seriously ill, and i had a couple of days to live, could i look back on my life and think “I made an actual difference”…. And i don’t think i could. Yes, i made a difference to my friends and family, and yeah i made a difference to some clients. But thats only, and lets be generous, 30 people out of 7,000,000,000 people on this earth. Thats 0.00000043% of the worlds population. Not exactly an amazing percentage.

So this definitely isn’t a “OMG i have done nothing with my life” type blog post, I think i have achieved quite a bit and done some awesome stuff that I’m very much proud of. For me. Its ALL been for me. Jobs taken for money, for prestige, for how it sounds when i pick up guys (I’m a personal trainer, I’m in the Army, I was a bodyguard etc). But what has any of this done for anyone else? How has all that time made any difference at all to the world? How can i make MORE of a difference?

So now, my question is “HOW do i want to make a difference”. The answer is not easy. Not because i don’t know how, but because i don’t know WHICH “how” to follow, or if i even need to choose. What i do know is that 2014 is about actually making a difference, and everything that i do, from my job to my day to day attitude, and my interactions with people, is geared towards making a difference. I have some ideas about what i want to do, and how i want to do them. Some are the tiniest thing, some are on a larger scale.There’s no goal of how many people i want to make a difference to, i just want to know that i have made a difference.

An ACTUAL difference.

So here is the point of this blog: I want you to ask yourself the following questions –

What have YOU done to make a difference?

What do you continue to do, to make a difference?

If you were on your deathbed tomorrow, what have you done that DID make a difference?

How are you going to continue to make an ACTUAL difference?

Post your ideas here, or don’t. Its not important. What is important is that you do it.

Beyonce – I was here